But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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