Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm always down for nudity.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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