TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
