I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
