Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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