so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."