i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.