The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?