Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?