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man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
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