# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.