Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
