My first STD was from a foam party
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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