I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
