he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
