accomplished twins. life is a go
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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