Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
