Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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