I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
