So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You are a genius and a whore.
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