i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize