i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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