my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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