She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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