Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
