omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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