I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
