your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
