it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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