you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so let's talk penis.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
