if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
