The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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