Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't put those talents on a resume
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize