dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
