Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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