His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
