Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
