dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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