hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
