Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
