MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
