If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
