I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
