I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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