just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This toilet bowl is my home.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
