Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
