the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
