I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
