My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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