It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
