A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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