i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
