you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
