it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
