i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
