the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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