Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hippo gnu deer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
