You made me cry and you don't even care
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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