Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
