Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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