This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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