Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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