when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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