it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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