Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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